I've noticed that the generations younger than I have brought back the popularity of using the word “retards” kind of in a joking and playful manner. Now, since I'm old, I am having a difficult time with it because I worked with individuals with mental retardation at all different levels for 18ish years and I find it offensive and painful to hear it used. I also know that it causes pain and lower self-esteem for those who have mental retardation. I hope you don’t hear me as being critical.

Can someone explain it's rise in popularity and what it means for those that use it? My cousin even coaches Special Olympics and uses it, but he doesn't around me because I told him that I found it offensive. I just want to understand. Thanks.

This has got me thinking - I'm the same as you Clueless, in the reaction it provokes in me. When I was young (a while ago!) the word was used in what I would call a tasteless way, that could cause pain for people - i.e. people used to use it to poke fun at people who did have mental retardation - either behind their backs or to their face.

I have recently heard it used more, but the context seems to be different. It seems to be used now between 'friends' to poke fun at each other when they are acting in a 'retarded' manner - in that I mean doing something that is considered to be stupid - lacking common sense.

Having said that - I still catch my breath when I hear it - my son is mentally retarded, and so the bit of me that has the more negative memories of the word being used feels pain on his behalf (even when he isn't there!). I am learning to 'live' with the word though. However, if someone ever used it around my son in a negative way - i.e poking fun at him, then I'd let them know what I thought.

My problem with it is that even if someone with a developmental disability of any kind hears that it is painful. This is whether they understand it or not...it reminds them that they are not like everyone else. I do not know of any one with a disability who isn't a bit sensitive. Some of my clients who were able to joke and understand sarcasm and would dish it out to me would still have difficulty in the way that it is being used. When they did something that was not quite a great decision. They may something self-denigrating and I would tell them smiling that "You are only retarded not stupid. They are not the same thing. We can all be stupid." I knew who I could use that with and couldn't and it would usually make them laugh and get them in a good mood. I'd follow it up usually with "yes, you can even tell my supervisor that I called you stupid!" I hope that it comes through that I had great respect for each one of my clients as individuals and that I was not making fun of them at their expense.

It's still a common term in the playground though, right?

Yes, but young adults or parents of children use it...I want to understand.

There is no clear answer CC. Why DO people continue to insult each other by using such terms as "gay", "faggot", "dumb ass" etc.?
In it's simplest form, it is demeaning -- because the vast majority of people simply do not want to UNDERSTAND what makes another person 'tick'.
Every once in awhile, I'll hear one of my boys call his brother a "girl". As in, "Stop whining you little girl". I'll poke my head around the corner and I'll say, "Are you calling girls inferior? Because if you are, you'll never have a decent relationship in your life."
Name calling will continue to be a childish and hurtful thing -- as long as there are humans around to call each other names. In it's most simple explanation, consider those who use such terms as ignorant, misguided or immature.
If it happens around you, and you have the opportunity to take that person aside and explain that it's so hurtful as to cause indelible pain -- it may make a difference. I don't know.

The thing is that I really don't hear it being used in a mean way to others because it is only done with a circle of friends or within a family. It is sort of like the way I use "shut up." I only use it with people I'm close with as a way of conveying, "you are right" or as a lame comeback to being teased. I never use it in an aggressive manner and it is almost in a joking manner. This is the way "retard" is appearing to be used.

changes do happen. I know they are the trace of time , adidas f50 adizero,irresistible and inevitable. the moment I saw my father I should not recognize him.I know he is getting old ,but returning home after more than 4moths,the symptoms of old should have grown beyond my imagination. I felt guilt and regret. I know I am the killer who take away his strength and youth.apparently he was pleased that I arrived so early and brought presents for them. when I was young I always thought he was some kind of tyrant , stern and severe.Nike Mercurial Vapor, I thought he was not approachable and touching.while with years passing by, in the process of my growing up and his getting old , these impression fades and instead it is replaced by words as gentle caring and loving . he played cheese and badminton with me, he would sing with me , he cooked for me , he chat with me , he is tolerant of me.my dear father and all my families , I say sorry for my past fault , I know sometimes I just easily surrender myself to the various temptation, and lose myself and my way. but believe me , I just easily surrender myself to the various temptation, and lose myself and my way. football boots,but believe me ,my experience is added over time and I can preserve my values and trace my path to maturity