Or.... there are plenty of teaspoons in the drawer....

Let me explain - Mandy has taken the kids to visit her poorly Mother on Anglesey (about a 4 hr drive from us) so this morning, she loaded up her newly acquired Ford Galaxy 7 seater (which I'd lovingly washed, polished, dash wiped yesterday) and off they went.

I'm left with the 4 cats and 1 mad dog - Wanda.

I'm also left with a rotten cold that started Friday (so they are best out of it anyway) and i sit here coughing and spluttering and missing her dreadfully.

She did phone to say they were there safely and that they were on the beach enjoying the sunshine.

Me, I've cut the grass, collected the old packing boxes from the Fabulous Photo Gifts office and took it all to the tip. Then I have started by gutting the living room, polishing everything and putting it back - I'm half way round.

So I thought I'd write a daily diary for the next two weeks documenting my loneliness and what i get up to each day. With only the dog to talk to (the cats ignore me!) i could go ga-ga.

So I've finished the day as I started by taking Wanda for a walk and I now sit watching tv, sipping orange squash and waiting for Mandy to call me... I hope she isn't too late.

See you tomorrow.

Jonathan (Purple13)

What is sipping orange squash...If Mandy isn't there to bug you, I sure can make sure I do! LOL. Enjoy your quiet, but answer my question please.

Hi Clinically - Orange Squash - Squashes are fruit flavoured drinks (cordials?) concentrated that you dilute with water (good old tap stuff for me) and very non-alcoholic.

They vary in quality and 'taste like fruit?' etc A good example is the Robinsons lemon barley water bottles you see on the cart at Wimbledon.

No comfort eating now Purple.....

Enjoy the time - maybe we'll drop in sometime soon (nudge, nudge)

They sound good. Thank you for the explaination...I'm from Southern California, so sometimes...I have to go huh?

Day 2: 21:42 in the pm....

"the dog only whines.... I cry"

Bad night sleep - coughing and sneezing - woke up every hour so dead beat this morning - spent the day slowly cleaning the rest of the sitting room, did some laundry and had apricot jam sanwiches on granary bread.

Tea was lemon and thyme escalopes with some cous cous (see I can cook) before sitting down to finish a web newsletter for a friend.

Mandy phoned - they had a bad weather day so went to the local retail parks and ventured onto a cold beach late pm.

Now i'm typing this whilst cuddling a lemsip (flu remedy drink Clinically) and thinking of calling it a night.

Oh and my phone ran out of charge completely on call with old friend - charger at work but remembered my pc cable also charged as well as transferred. Not completely fuddled yet the old grey matter - Mandy would be proud.

Day 3 (day 4 later tonight)

"things reach fever pitch"

Possibly the worst day yesterday - cough cough cough and I was running a temperature - the trouble was i was so racked by coughing bouts I didn't notice. I kept drinking but nothing was exactly coming out if you know what i mean.

Anyway, to keep myself amused in between, i cleaned the kitchen and walked the pooch.

Mandy called evening to say her Dad had been round the galaxy and was making a list of things to watch (I hope its not too long!) and he'd changed the air filter as it "looked like the original" thick and black!! (and the garage were supposed to have carried out a full service too). Oh well add it to the list of things to check next time i buy a car.

The new air filter should help the mpg and let the engine run smoother too. They'd been for bracing walks on the beach.

I had my two kids from school for tea and we had chicken nuggets, smiley faces (potato) and peas. Then i took them home to their mums. Then i had an early night. TTFN

Day 4

"It's not what you do - it's the way that you do it"

I thought last nights fever had broken this cough but this morning dawned with the realisation I would have at least one more day on the cough syrup.... getting kinda yummy.

So I walked the dog, finished cleaning the kitchen, walked the dog some more and had a bacon butty for my tea.

I also had to go shopping for some emergency supplies - (pet food).

You know you're 'off ill' when you get to see the fabulous daytime tv schedules... amidst the non stop adverts for accidents at work (are we sure we're not following America's example here? - claim for everything) and cheaper car insurance - it must be possible to get it for a £1 now.

Anyway I digress because there was an absolute nugget of a film on - the return of the incredible hulk - with the man himself - Bill Bixby. Now al these modern remakes - the hulk is the worst cgi i've ever seen so why not take a lead out of Harry Potter and use a real actor but just make him bigger like they do Hagrid?

Our local radio station had latched onto an idea of what 80's series would we most like to see made into a film. The top one was Knight Rider (aren't they doing that with Val Kilmer as the voice of Kitt?)- another was Airwolf.

Yep - being poorly and stuck around the house has its benefits - and you have to take them when you can.

Mandy had been to Llandudno and they'd been on the pier and the vertical lift - it was "bracing" apparently.

Day 5 -

"It's life Jim but not as we know it"

Well hey howdy hey - someone's feeling better! Yes folks I've finally whopped that colds behind and kissed goodbye to the medications as we head for that friday feeling.

I've also been out for a lovely meal with friends, and i made it to my daughters school report meeting with her teacher, and very well she's doing too (my daughter - not the teacher) (well actually i didn't ask her but recognised me and all Georgies books were in a neat pile waiting for me so i assume she's ok too). She moves up to the top class after the summer break for her last two years of Primary School education (sniff, sniff).

In other news..... mandy tries valiantly to call me from the beach on anglesey, her daughter katie gets a text saying welcome to Eire tariffs for texting??? Eire?? Last time i looked Anglesey was attached to the mainland. Hey forget crop circles - this is serious. Those pesky aliens have moved anglesey in the night.

Also we'll be reporting on how I got on trying to reformat the hard drive on the sky+ box as it goes haywire during recording and we'll find out if leprachauns really exist, and if they do, do they all work for Orange.... the truth is out there.

Hi got all confused and missed you entries. I am sorry that you were sick. Did that make you forget about your lonliness or do you need to have someone around when you are not feeling well? Now,it sounds like you are back in the world of the living. What are the plans for the weekend? How is Wanda? Is she effected by the absence? Need to check on the dog too...just as important. Well, you are more important, but so is Wanda.

Hi Clinically - yes its great to be back in the land of the living... well almost.

I did have a panic attack tuesday night when i thought i was going to fry with fever and it occurred to me that it would be a while before my body was found.... best not to dwell....

Wanda is fine - she's had more walks (one morning and one evening) than she would have had with everyone about and enjoyed leaning on the gate and being fussed by my visitors the other day.

My weekend is a mixture of more housework, dog walking, cat feeding, - i'm hoping to get a few hours at the gym now i feel well enough and then i have my little girl from saturday night to sunday teatime so i've promised a trip to the cinema - perhaps wall-e?

Hope you have a good one too. Thanks for stopping by and checking i was still alive in photo gift land.

Day 6

"I recommend the jellyfish sir - it's wobbly like your sky box"

Humour - gotta love it - it means I feel sunny inside, even if the weather is doing a fair impersonation of April.

On Anglesey, Mandy and the girls have struggled against cold winds and large amounts of jellyfish washed up on the beaches. Katie even got one back into the sea.

Here, its been walking Wanda between showers and no room at the inn as the cats have staked out the living room - watching the Godfather with one eye and me with the other.

A wedding in the 'family' tomorrow - lets hope for sunny skies. Charge your glasses and the toast is Bo and Zoe.

I'll be back tomorrow after i've put my daughter Georgie to bed for the night. Her brother Max is having a party sleepover at a friends house.

Well time to sign off - an early night - one without coughing all night (hopefully) and dreams of the family.....

Have a great weekend. Enjoy the wedding and your daughter!!

Day 7

"go text the view from here"

Hi folks - day 7 - half way there and it's going so slooowwwlyyy. Mandy on the other hand reported the first week had gone really quickly for them - there must be some time / space continum distortion affecting alternate realities. Then again they are in Wales!!

So after waking up (annoyingly) at 7.00 am, I got up and decided to spring clean the bedroom, finishing off with lifting 4 large boxes up into the loft. I came downstairs and defrosted the freezer (that's another job list item ticked) and then had some breakfast.

After such a hectic morning, I decided a little R&R was required so i headed to the gym and spent a pleasant few hours in the spa/sauna area before enjoying a pot of tea in the library leaving a few comments on peoples blogs.

I stopped off at the Hyundai dealership as they'd phoned to say they had got the new i800 in - an monster 8 seater vehicle with enough boot space left over to take 8 suitcases. I was impressed but little things like the front seats didn't have centre arm rests (small point i know but...) mind you at £19,999 its £15,000 cheaper than a comparable VW Caravelle - ha ha!

Back home, cooked tea and then collected daughter - Georgie -from her mums. We walked the dog and she had a go holding the lead on the way back.

Now she's in bed, i've updated http://www.allthingslocal.co.uk - the community magazine site with the new advertising booking deadlines.

We sat and watched Eddie Murphy in Doctor Doolittle - very funny.

I'm going to grab 5 mins of Daredevil on TV and then head for an early night myself.

Oh and the news from Anglesey? they've been on the beach today - paddling, football playing and kite flying. mandy even managed to text me a picture of the beach - looked gorgeous.

I'll be back tomorrow - back on my own as Georgie goes back to her mums for 4.30.

I'm a firm believer in the time/space continum distortion. I also believe that Star Wars, Star Trek, X-files and Quantum Leap are real!!! Oh and isn't Night Gallery, Twilight Zone and Outer Limits real? Wasn't Space 1999 prophetic. Yes, I like science fiction and fantasy. Now, people are going to know that I really am crazy.

Hang in there...one more week. But, gosh the amount of stuff you accomplished. Maybe, I should go on a trip and see what my husband can do with no children (we don't have any) and no pets. Hmmm...But, alas, he is an engineer, so much time will be spent only in the planning phase with not much to actually show for his hard work!!

Okay, entertained enough with my rambling?

(YouTubes are not loading today...I'll try tomorrow.)

Day 8

"Pixar - the great eco-warriors"

Well a lay in this morning, a delightful breakfast with my daughter and then what to do with the day? what to do?

Georgie finally decided she'd like to see Wall-e at the cinema (well she did do well in her school report) so we had a picnic on the carpet and then we set off for the pictures.

To make it more of a trip out, we stopped at the pet superstore and made a fuss of the rabbits, had fun choosing our ideallic aquarium and then headed to the cinema.

The film was great fun - loads of laughs, ahhhhh and thrill moments. For the adults, there was a definate eco message - so much so (in true american style - none to gently rammed down our throats) that it rather took the shine off an otherwise 'best pixar film yet' moment.

Anyway we enjoyed our father/daughter cinema trip. Then I took home to her Mums, and came back to walk wanda in the lovely evening sunshine.

Mandy phoned - they went to a antiques fair in the local hall - mostly jewellery and then headed for an re-inactment at the castle but very few turned out apparently. Now they were walking on the beach.

I got the sky+ working again - watched MI-3 with Tom Cruise - funny how security guards are fooled by the old polaroid snap in front of the camera trick. You'd think they'd watch for people actually moving wouldn't you?

And another thing.... the latest Butlins adverts - they're a bit .... well I'll explain. The clips show family trying the different activities - grandmum does golf, dad and son do go-karting, grandad , well I can't remember what grandads doing but you get the picture. Then it changes to the evening - the grandparents are sitting with the kids while mum and dad sneak out to enjoy all those night shows.

I hope they take it in turns to babysit. When we last went, we took the kids, caught an early family show then back to put the kids to bed and a quiet sit in the apartment with a bottle of beer.

Well it's getting late and i've work tomorrow. I feel so much better than this time last week.

Jonathan.

P.S hi Clinically' thanks for staying with the thread here - you missed off Blake's 7, UFO and even Thunderbirds? Mr Scott to the bridge eh? "you canna change the laws of housework - Cap't"

Yes, LOL!!

Day 9

"Crocodile Dundee had good blue days to"

Well it was a return to normality today which i celebrated by having coughing fits at every opportunity - all day at work, then later at the supermarket. Why do people always stop and stare so? Haven't they ever seen a man cough before? Perhaps they were afraid i'd cough all over the food - i don't need cheap tricks like that to get cheap meat (unlike Steptoe (and son) which was on the tv tonight).

So i shopped for pizza, chips and cake - a staple requirement if i'm cooking for my children tomorrow (which i am) - oh i do healthy to but i thought a little party as they break up from school.

Then it was home via the chinese takeaway - i think i deserve a treat too don't you?

Mandy had been trying to log on to a Ford Galaxy forum to find out for her dad how to change a pollen filter but their dial up was just too slow. I found loads of useful advice - some of it a bit old and the image links were broken. I'm sure they'll figure it out - her dad is very good with cars.

The weather finally felt like summer so of course, they've been on the beach all day. It's the life!

Well that's the family update complete, dog and cats all doing well....which brings me onto the subject of my next blog post over on http://purple13.blogspot.com. Supermarket self serve check outs.

You know, those annoying tills where you scan it yourself, then a message tells you to put it in the bag, then an other tells you to put it in the bag etc you get the idea. So why do people still que to be served by a person and leave the automated tills empty? I have a theory (I thought you would) - hey speaking to yourself is the first sign apparently - where was i? oh yes the theory... well you'll have to wait until tomorrow night when i write the post won't you?

RIght - back to watching Crocodile Dundee 2......

Hope you enjoyed the treats and the movie. Got a little worried about you at the end there. LOL!!!

Day 10

"Cap't Oakes is just popping outside - he may be gone sometime"

Well it was short tuesday today - short because i finish early to have Max and Georgie (my children) from school for tea (and very nice it is too) and tuesday, well because it's tuesday.

So we had tea of pizza, chips and coleslaw and a big double chocolate muffin each for pudding. Then it was time for them to go back to their mum's (boo hoo).

Mandy phoned to say they'd had a lovely day doing high ropes activities and beach -also gone out for lunch/dinner too. Her dad is very impressed with the Galaxy so satisfied people all round.

I've also been twittering Deep today about the lack of comments problem - thankfully he fixed it. The moral? always shout because just thinking someone has already reported something is assuming too far. As my old head chef used to say "do not assume - it makes an ASS out of U and ME".

In other news, I watched the end of Croc Dundee 2, wrote that post about supermarket tills over at http://purple13.blogspot.com (leave a comment if you like?) and have also done a good hour at the gym this evening.

Oh and one funny story - when i went to pick my girl up from school..... they're digging up and resurfacing the roaf through the village so there's a 10 mile diversion in place (i kid you not!) so I thought i'd be craft and cut up the back lane to come out near the school. Halfway along the road, it said diversion and indicated that the road was shut about a mile from the junction the schools on. Blast!.

So i about turned and thought i'd take another direct route on the main road - they couldn't shut off half the village could they? Well they could - cones right across the road about half a mile out, so i parked on the side of the road and started walking.

Just round the corner was a road fixing chappie in his flourescent (that's not the right spelling is it?) jacket sitting in a bus shelter. I commented that they really needed to re-think the road shutting as effectively I couldn't get within half a mile of the school.

"Oh you can he replied - i'll open the cones and let you through" "I'm hiding so not everyone thinks they can drive through the village" he went on. Grrrrrrrrrrr! i could have been some time but i wasn't.

Oh, that is adding insult to injury. You can always look at it this way...you got some more exercise. Yes, I know that really doesn't help.

The whole thing with the no comments. I went a whole day thinking that someone like a founder must have said something. Finally, the next morning I sent an email. Next time maybe they will get a ton of email.

Time alone almost over. Seems like you are beginning to enjoy it though.

Day 11

"My God Bones what have I done?"

Well at 6.30 am this morning, the sun was trying to burn a heavy dew off as I walked around a field with Wanda (the dog). At one point we were corralled by a posse of other dogs - their silly owners just waving in the distance - the dogs making no attempt to return to their calls.

Then Wanda had a brush in the field - admittedly, I might have looked a little strange walking along carrying a pink lead and a pink brush but at 6.30, who's watching?

Work was fine today, I stopped off at the gym on the way home and then cooked a fabulous bacon and egg platter of bacon and eggs on wholemeal bread - i'm not that un-healthy!

Mandy called - they'd been on the beach but unable to go in the sea as its full of jelly fish! They're visiting the crystal shop tomorrow and then hopefully back on the beach.

Earlier on this evening, i caught the last bit of Star Trek 3 The Search for Spock - it's so sad when they blow up the Enterprise - sniff.

Talking of stunt doubles.... if you've read Mike's earlier excellent post, you'll know I've been found out as a james bond stuntman - who me? Anyway, now the cat's (all four of them!!) out of the bag, you'll probably be able to put 2 and 2 together and spot me in various other roles....

For example, the bad supermans foot when he kicks his clarke kent self in the junkyard - that was my foot!

Well enough said - don't want to shatter your movie favourites completely do I. Oh and another script has just landed on the door mat - Top Gun 2 - apparently I could be standing in for Kelly - the bit where her hand pushes the button on the jukebox in the last one - (that was me!!).

Well ttfn - so much to do, so little time (left until Mandy and girls are back - grass to cut, bathrooms to clean....)

Day 12

"My proof comes in 3 parts"

its a good job Mandy and the kids are only gone for a fortnight otherwise i'd be running out of wall to chalk the days on. Seriously though, I'm feeling decidedly upbeat after speaking with her tonight and thoughts turning to coming home.

So the day started with a spot of laundry washing, brushing the dog and feeding all the pets. Then to work!

Anyway, I've finally updated the Fabulous Photo Gifts website - taken the 'on holiday' banners and warnings off and replaced the wedding competition banner - hopefully we'll get a few more entrants to add to the nice selection we already have to choose from.

In other news..... I've still got to cut the grass!

It all set me to thinking - the warm weather we've had today.... a colleague at the office drives a new VW beetle convertible, complete with plastic flower holder.... anyway, she decided she was going to lunch at mcdonalds - nothing quite like it apparently - so she gets in her car - Phew its a bit warm and puts the roof down.

She then sits in the car enjoying the sunshine, munching away... then thinks I'll put the seat back and have 5 mins rest.... so she does and then when she sat back up - she was red! a bit more sun than she intended.

I said my proof comes in 3 parts - well the third part is The Great Waldo Pepper is on tv in the background and my palms are still sweating! i thought Where Eagles Dare - the cable car fight was bad enough! Sheesh!

Oh late news flash - our neighbours are away for a couple of days tomorrow and guess who's feeding their cats and his Falcon named Jess. Lets just say she's best kept at arms length.

Hopefully tomorrows upgrades won't stop my little diary but if it does, i'll be back soon as to finish.

Tomorrow - i have a special 44th edition post!!

This would make quite a short story.....

Any aspirations for a book Purple?

Day 13 (a day late i know)

"Funny how the number 13 keeps cropping up - like it has some kind of cosmic significance - the convergence of time lines across all dimensions of space..... then again it could be an amazing coincidence"

Well yesterday (day 13) was just the best birthday ever! it started pretty normally - fed neighbours cats and his hawk (3 dead chicks) then came back and fed Wanda and our cats, rats and mice, then went to work.

My kids phoned me from their camp site to wish me happy birthday (it was my birthday yesterday) and then mandy and the girls phoned at lunch to say they were driving between beaches and wished me a happy birthday also.

I said i was prob going to gym after work, then chip shop and a can of chilled Boddingtons ale in the fridge.

So coming out of Derby, i decided i wouldn't bother with the gym - i'd go straight home! Because of a bad accident on the normal route, i went the scenic way. As i did, i passed a familiar ford galaxy but didn't think anything of it.

So i got home, went straight next door to feed neighbours cats, came out and running to meet me were Mandy and the girls!!! They'd passed me - they were going to the gym and were going to surprise me by being in the pool when i walked in (if they'd missed me - they'd have had a long wrinkly wait!!).

So i had loads of presents and cards to open, and we went for a nice pub meal as well.

Well I'm still smiling now - the big cheesy sort - it was a great surprise and possibly one of the best birthdays i've ever had (and i've had 43 others!).

Of course i can't leave the diary of a lonely man without a little social comment now can I? So it strikes me that there were a load of circumstances that came together in one cosmic awareness that meant - mandy happened to pass me so not wait in the gym for me. That my birthday was at the end of the fortnight and not in the middle, that the timing of driving a 4 and a half hour journey, roadworks, toilet stops etc culminated in them pulling up on the drive just as i came out of neighbours house.

If i'd have gone in our own house first- i'd have seen all their bags and known they were home!

Thanks for reading and keeping up with my diary - we've had a bit of a laugh and its been very cathartic.

TTFN - see you in main comments or though i'll pop back here to answer any late comments.

Jonathan. (purple13)

Hi Jim and Em - book you say? Would people really pay to read my 'lonely' ramblings? Thank god for forums.

How was Scotland?

Oh, that is so sweet...makes me tear up! Happy Birthday, Jonathan. It was nice to be along the journey with you. Glad everyone made it home safely including you from the hawk. What a wonderful birthday...you deserve it!!!!!

Hiya Purple - Scotland was a blast and yes, people would be interested in your 'ramblings'

If nothing else its great therapy!

At least I would be interested to read a lonely man's diary or rambling..I am simply a lonely girl.. :-)
I find it interesting simply because you live in a very much different place, a place that I love but not sure if I will ever reach there before I die..UK..

Regards,
Nur Sarah Lam

Hi Clinically - thanks for your company along the way. I'm still wearing a cheesy grin and still can't believe it that they came back early.... but i'm glad they did.