Oh my!!! All of us have embarrassing moments, but none quite like this…or maybe not. Share an embarrassing public moment that you have had.
Posts Tagged ‘funny’
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What is your “one day goal”…one that you will probably do despite the climb?
Hi from Dubai where I’m determined to improve my golf swing. As those who have ever hit or attempted to hit a golf ball will appreciate humour is an essential part of the game. So, when things GO! wrong why not use one of these comparable golf terms that makes it all feel better with a chuckle as opposed to throwing a club into the nearest hazard:
A Sally Gunnell – not pretty but a good runner
A Paris Hilton – an expensive hole
A Dennis Wise – a nasty 5 footer
A Maradona – a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie – impossible to read
A Rio Ferdinand – lipped out
A Rock Hudson – looked straight, but wasn’t
A Cuban – needs one more revolution
An Elton John – a big bender that lips the rim
A Hitler – two shots in the bunker
An Arafat – ugly and buried in the sand
A Kate Winslett – a bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Kate Moss – thin and close to rough
A Gerry Adams – playing a Provisional
A Glen Miller – kept low and didn’t make it over the water
An Arthur Scargill – a great strike but a poor result
A Rodney King – over-clubbed
An O. J. – got away with it
A Paula Radcliffe – not as ugly as a Gunnell but still a good runner
A Princess Grace – should have taken a driver
A Princess Di – shouldn’t have taken a driver
*Darth Vader interlude:
A Robin Cook – just died on the hill
A Michael Jackson – too high to make it
A Douglas Bader – looked good in the air, but didn’t have the legs
An Arsene Wenger – never saw it
A Ken Livingstone – quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen – a long way right
A Ladyboy – looks like an easy hole but not what it seems
An elephant’s arse – high wide and sh*tty
A condom – safe but didn’t feel real good
A circus tent – a BIG top
An Anna Kournikova – looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones – nasty kick when you’re not expecting it
A Ryanair – regular flight but lands a long way from the objective
A Blondie – a fair old crack
So there we are, golfing stories are most welcome right here in comments. FORE!
Hands up – I walked out of the film ‘Red Cliff’ yesterday due to my short attention span:
Maybe my expectations were too high having recently enjoyed ‘ funny people’ starring Adam Sandler and that Ozzie bloke who played Chopper:
I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to watch Redcliff and missed my chance to watch a ‘classic’.
Have you seen either of these films Any recent films you’ve not even watched until the end? Do tell.
Time for some fun with words here at flowers.
Thanks to Ken in Scotland for emailing us the winners of this year’s Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
4. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
Christmas is done and dusted for another year.
I hope Santa was Generous.
Who forgot Batteries?
Now the build up to New Years is gaining momentum, as preparations for parties, feasting and hangovers are on well underway.
One thing which many people do is make a New Years Resolution or Three, a simple promise of something they will or wont do over the coming year.
Studies have shown most of these promises are broken within the month of January and some don’t even make it to the next morning.
The Top New Years Resolutions goes a bit like this:
- Lose Weight/Get Fit/Eat Right
- Manage Debt/Save Money
- Get a Better Job
- Get a Better Education
- Drink Less Alcohol
- Quit Smoking
- Reduce Stress
- Take a Trip
- Volunteer to Help Others
For those of us in the swings of Green Consciousness, the list tends follow like this:
- Go Green
- Enjoy Life
- Get Organized
- Learn a Language
- Spend Time with Family
- Improve Community
- Learn Something New
Given that most of us break our resolutions, perhaps we should promise what we dont want to do or be. For example:
I promise to eat as much processed, fatty, unhealthy things as I possble can every single day.
I promise to be smoking 3 packets of smokes a day by June.
You get the idea.
So what wil your New Years Resolution be?
Will you promise what you hope to Achieve?
Or will you follow the Anti Resolution Movement?
Have some fun before the real world takes hold on January 2!
We recently had the “Where the hell is Matt” dance here and I came across another dance we can all take part in and get a good 2 minute cardio workout. Sitting at your laptop all day means you need regular breaks for stretching and general movement. So, do you care enough about yourself to get moving?
Last week my kids and I trekked up to the north end of the city. It usually takes almost two hours with public transit to get there. But, while I was there in the north I saw an article on useless inventions that I had to share.
1. Black coloured highlighters (I can use them on the things I want to forget!)
2. Waterproof tea bags (What??)
3. Glow in the dark sunglasses (if it’s dark why do I need them?)
4. Fake faux pearl jewelry (it better not turn my skin green!)
5. Double-sided playing cards (how will I count cards then?)
6. Inflatable dartboard (it would make the game that more interesting!)
7. Checkered paint (at least you wouldn’t have to measure out the squares!)
8. Silent alarm clock (great excuse for the boss…I didn’t hear my alarm clock…and you wouldn’t be lying!)
9. CD rewinder (uh sure???)
10. Impact-activated parachute (I’m sure it’s too late for a parachute if you already have impacted the ground!)
What are some useless inventions that you know of?
I sit here thinking I really should post something thought provoking, meaningful, inspirational or even controversial, but I just cant bring myself to do that to you all..
We have had over the recent week a few posts which pretty much cover it all…
The stuff of nightmares is evident in the first 5 posts:
Toilet seats with the thumbtacks sticking out of it, thanks very much scary dreams for days,
Poor Empress’s haunt I had my imagination running wild on that one hoping the theives pick up some sort of strange artifact which was cursed if stolen,
Petrol hitting $200 dollars a barrel,
Not to mention the flowers competition.. Steve McQueen and Lady Penelopes love child running for the White House…
Dont even get me started on the Earthquake and Cyclones.. so enough of the madness and sorrow of the world
All terrifying in their own right.
So rather than terrify you poor people out there I thought some fun and comfort is in order…
So here goes time for a smile…
Puppies are three weeks old and all have opened their eyes, photos coming…. they are becoming very active and will be fun over the next few weeks.
A passenger in a taxi leaned forward to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and for a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.”The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he hadn’t realized a mere tap on the shoulder would frighten him so much.The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab . I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 23 years.
Finally a little Aussie Advice…
Fart in a wetsuit
Ok there you go ..
feel better now I hope