Okay, I know that I am depressed and triggered by Christmas, but that is not all there is and it is quite common for many this time of year. So, I am going to try to share a couple happy memories. My grandfather, who I really miss this year, was the biggest kid of all. He would be the most excited and the first one up. Usually, until we moved out of the area, I spent the night on Christmas Eve. That was so much fun.
On Christmas morning, I would go out into the living room and there he would be sitting with a big grin on this face saying, “Ho, Ho, Ho.” I’d go, “you opened all your presents already, huh?” He would smile. He always opened up all his gifts except the ones from immediate family…usually.
Then, I would go check and see which presents that he rewrapped. Yes, he would open his gifts and then rewrap them. I never did anything like that, but Grandpa, YES. Then, we would just talk. I have no idea about what, but it didn’t matter because I was with Grandpa looking at the tree. At the time, I never realized how special that ritual would become to me. It really is the little things that we don’t think about that become so important when they are gone.
(I really miss you and am so thankful for your presence in my life for without you I would not have had any experience of a good attachment and would not be alive to welcome everyone else a Merry Christmas.) One which for some maybe filled with a mixture of feelings and I’m not talking about just loss…family get togethers can be stressful. Holidays bring out intense feelings of all types including anger, sadness and happiness. I hope that you can find joy, comfort and hope in one of your past memories and the new ones you are making. I’m glad I did, but it doesn’t make my depression or grief go away. But, they can coexist with happy memories.
“Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.” ~ The Wonder Years
It just dawned on me (cue light bulb, please) that I think one of the reasons that listening to Christmas songs has been difficult is because they remind me of him. He loved Christmas songs and even let me play my Christmas music in the car. I can still hear him singing along with Bing Crosby, Elvis Presley, and Frank Sinatra. Here is “White Christmas” sung by Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra. Merry Christmas, Grandpa!! I love you!!!
Let’s be festive and sprinkle the garden with the wonderment of holiday snow!!!
So what is your favorite holiday or family get together memory or tradition? (child, adult, sentimental, fun, silly, ROL which I have lots of, mundane or special) Just share!!!
Or, what is one tradition or thing that you do to honor someone in your life that has since passed?