Go! Learn the Lessons from my Late Father

Posted on December 3rd, 2008 by god

my father in his prime

Arvind here remembering his father on the first anniversary of his passing away.

Amazingly, it is a year already since he passed away and I remember the incredible support I had a year ago from the Flowers Community. You can read more here at:-

Go! Smell the Flowers with your Father!

So firstly I wish to thank everybody once again for all your support during what was a very challenging time and year. During this time, I have learnt a number of lessons and have written about them on at length on my own blog at:-

The First Year of my Life without my Father

I can summarise my seven lessons as below:-

1. We are all one family

2. People are incredibly kind – they share your grief and are there for you.

3. Keep your cool during and after the grieving period

4. Memories of our loved ones live on in us and around us

5. Your loved ones are at peace

6. Life goes on

7. Appreciate your loved ones now in their lifetime.

So during this time of Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah, it is my request that you go and spend some valuable time with your loved ones. Do contact your family and friends. Visit/call/email/text them whatever works for you – just do something.

What will you do and with whom?

And how will you apply my seven lessons in your life?


17 Responses to “Go! Learn the Lessons from my Late Father”

  1. mike says:

    Good advice – we’re spending Xmas at the kids Grandparents :-)

    And well done on getting through the year mate.

  2. Gareth in Thailand says:

    To be honest I’m not sure I would. I tend to grieve for a short time but remember the good times I had with them for a long time. Death is part of the cycle of life and is an inevitability. Accepting this is the key to how I deal with loss.
    I always think I wouldn’t want people to be miserable for long after my passing so tend to do the same wsith theirs.
    I guess its different for different people and I have yet to lose a parent through death.

    Glad you’re getting on Ok though, chin up and all that.

    • arvind says:

      Thanks Gareth – you are very kind.

      As you say, we all deal with loss differently and this is how I dealt with mine.

      Sure, I am remembering and focussing on the good times – of which there were many :-)

  3. Jim says:

    12 months since one of the most memorablke GSTF posts!

    Time flies by….

    Thanks for sharing your lessons learnt A!

    • arvind says:

      Thanks Jim!

      How quickly the year has flown by.

      But now time to let our hair down and celebrate in London over Xmas time – lets fix up some time very soon!

  4. Arvind,

    Great post. I do hope that you know that grieving is process of differing lenghts for each person. I hope that you have really allowed that process to take place and have allowed yourself to cry when you feel it. Anniversaries often bring up loss again. Please be present to what you are thinking and feeling. You don’t have to be “strong” as the man of the family. Share your grief with your family. It is good for your overall health. I do feel for you and am her for you.

    For me, I am spending Christmas with my family (13 people and 4 dogs). I really am looking forward to seeing everyone except for my mother as I anticipate her being hostile or ignoring. I am going through a grieving process of what I had wished for and for what reality with my mother is. She is quite mentally ill and has never had any treatment. I have the scars from that and am trying to make sense of it now. I love finding just the “perfect” gift for everyone and I had a custom made quilt for my uncle’s wife that I am really excited for her to see.

    I wish I can say that I’m happy about the holidays, but it is very stressful being with my mother and grandmother. My anxiety is high. I also miss my grandfather, who was basically my father and the person that I attached to. It will be almost seven years since he passed and I still ache for him. I went to years suppressing everything. However, now the ache is also accompanied by really good memories of him that make me happy.

    CC

    • arvind says:

      Thanks CC – as I have said before and you have concurred, the grieving process is different for everyone and varies in length.

      Believe me, I am very present to my feelings and thoughts – that’s what makes it harder. And also what makes us all human.

      As for your Christmas plans with the family, maybe you can re-frame in your mind this anxiety you are feeling. Perhaps you can limit the amount of time you spend with them?

      Happy holidays notwithstanding the 13 people and the 4 dogs. Maybe next year you could have a Christmas with 13 dogs and 4 people :-)

      • I am glad that you are present to your feelings although it make it harder. Welcome to humanity…not that I thought you weren’t human, er… take foot out of mouth!! LOL!!

        Change subject!

        Yes, I do limit my time and my husband and my uncle’s family run interference for me. However, I like your idea much better especially if there are 13 labradors…ooooh, how fun…I could play and run around with them.

  5. Lib says:

    My, now I know where you get your good looks from Arvind!

    I can’t believe it’s been a year, hopefully its true what they say about time.

    I don’t mean to change the subject but did you see the documentary on BBC2 last night about time?

    Fascinating, I might do a post on it soon.

    • arvind says:

      Yes, Lib – my father was a very good looking man in his prime. But people say that I look more like my mum!

      And no, I didn’t watch the documentary on BBC2 last night about time – simply because I don’t have a TV anymore.

      Please do tell us more via a post….

  6. Taylor Blue says:

    I remember that because it was not long after that that my grandfather died. It’s next week that it will be a year. I am no closer than I was then getting over his death. But I am glad that I can still support you.

  7. A/C says:

    GDay Arvind

    Many Blessings mate… A year has gone quick…

    It does get easier, its been 26 years since my Mum past, and yes you still miss them, you still remember things, but its funny how your memories become subjective there is always one memory which will come to mind when you think of them.
    Sometimes I still think oh Mum would love this, or she would have loved to hear that, so I tell her.. sounds crazy but it helps me fell she is close by…
    They are always with you……

    Last year christmas was hard with 6 kids being away, back on the Mainland and this year will be much the same.. Although we have been invited to spend Christmas lunch with our friend and her family which has managed to come over to the island. Our kids have been trying to get down here but the costs are just to much for them and thats fair enough, but we do miss them… but its oh so quiet… hehehehehe…. 7 kids to one its brillant….

    Much like Gareth I dont grieve, seriously I dont…. My mother in law past away recently and although her passing is sad, and we will miss her, she is now on another great adventure.. one we all travel one day….
    I guess I have seen so much of it, if I didnt get philosophical about it I would be a morbid shell of my former self… but I look at death like a train, taking us from one world to the next, oh things we will experience, grief is for those left behind not those with a ticket….

    Celebrate the person’s life, make them proud, follow the goodness they impart in you, and remember their lessons good bad or otherwise there is always help on life journey in there if you look….

    • arvind says:

      Thanks AC – I am indeed celebrating my father’s life – and I want to make him feel proud with what I do and how I live my life.

      It is now time to celebrate his life and our own amazing lives.

      Now, lets have a few Christmas parties on-line at Flowers!

      • Jim says:

        Twister mat at the ready ARVIND – time for xmas flower banners to be up on the site and a special flowers offer for the festive season,

        GO! GO! GO!

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