Go! Get Arrested!

Posted on October 16th, 2008 by Blue Collar Goddess
Winona Wanna Be

Winona Wanna Bline

My daughter? She thinks she’s Winona Ryder.

Sure, she’s prettier, there’s no doubt about that — no bias here, being the mammy of such stunning joy that my female progeny bequeaths upon all who gaze; but that beauty tends to wander off when she opens her mouth.

I spent my holiday weekend at a sea-glass festival in Delaware, something I’d planned for months and something I looked forward to for months. It was my “light at the end of the tunnel” so to speak. I left Cleveland airport Friday morning, landed in Baltimore and drove to the Virden Center at the University of Delaware. What was going to be five days of complete, selfish relaxation for myself and a friend while staring at “mermaid tears,” and dutiful walking on the beach became an emotional train wreck.

A lovely voice mail from the arresting officer was waiting for me upon my return to our room after a nosh on the bay Saturday evening.

Imagine the sound of a needle crossing the entire length of your favorite vinyl LP. For those of you who don’t remember the finger nail on a chalkboard sensation of THAT sound, think of fingernails on a chalkboard. Right.

“Hello Ms. Nash. We have your daughter in custody. She was arrested for shoplifting . . .”

My first impulse was to bust out of the retreat and run the entire way BACK to Ohio. My second impulse was to find my daughter and slap her. My third impulse was to find my daughter and hug her.

I assessed the moment.

Anyone ever done that?

Have you simply been so overwhelmed that you sat back and said, “WTF Mate?” while staring at the ceiling trying to breathe? Trying to remember to breathe?

Luckily for my daughter — and in retrospect me too — the powers that be would have kept her in jail until my return on Tuesday night had I not signed temporary custodial paperwork in case of medical or legal emergencies to her two adult brothers who still live at home. I admit it, I said to the officer that might not be such a terrible thing; but it was unthinkable.

My little Winona thought she could “five finger” some cosmetics and get away with it. Between she and her friend, they took approx. $36 worth of makeup. My Winona is not an adult, she is 17. Her friend is 18 and will be tried as an adult. Furthermore, her friend was driving with a suspended license and the officer in charge told me that I should pay attention to whom my children associate with.

Oh, I’ve been paying attention. For all the good it has done me or my darling Winona Wanna Be. She’s been vitriolic at best recently. At worst? Incorrigible, heinous, mean and contentious to the extreme. But — she’s MY daughter.

Tuesday night, after my eldest picked me up from the airport, and I arrived home — the wee Winona and I had a pow wow. She’s frightened beyond belief, as she should be. They kept her in the holding cell for about three hours and put the “fear of Gawd” into her. She’s going to appear in juvenile court in a couple of weeks and I’ve decided that I’m not going to get her an attorney, she’s going to have to get a job and pay her own fines, and suck it up.

Unlike the real Winona, my wee version won’t get to host Saturday Night Live after her debacle — but she WILL get to spend the next several months of Saturday night grounded. I have ceased to be the “best friend mommy” and I’ve become “the mommy.” Period. If she doesn’t like me, oh well. Right now? I don’t like her much either. I’ve arranged for counseling, for the both of us — and we’ll get through this together, if I have to take her kicking and screaming the whole way.

So here’s the shizzy, what did you do when you were “almost groan up” that you regret? How did it change you? What would you have done differently? Why?


22 Responses to “Go! Get Arrested!”

  1. A/C says:

    Hey there mate

    Sympathies…
    my eldest got himself arrested about 3 years ago. Unlike your daughter mine got to spent the night in gaol.
    He had his wallet stolen, had no transport home and I had gone to bed and not heard the phone. He was drunk as a skunk and called the police to report his wallet nicked,
    then decided to get them to take him home 20km,
    they said no, he promptly them ‘you are public servants, I am a member of the public so serve me… ‘
    didnt go down to well and ended in the lockup…

    The police women also told me, as he had been with a mate, that I should watch who my son was associating with…
    I told her ‘He was the one her mother always warned her about!..’ that shut her up.. fancy sayng that.. stuck up cow…
    he actually is a really nice kid… but I was so angry at her saying that…. grrrrrr

    Like you though, he had to get his own lawyer, and pay for it himself.. which he did and got off on a good behaviour bond so no biggy… but it gives you a fright…
    I got my phone call at 6.30 am
    great way to wake up….

    • Blue Collar Goddess says:

      “Stuck up cow . . .”
      You’re marvelous, I adore you!

      Your ordeal sounds lovely. Just . . . lovely. (I’m being facetious of course!)

      • A/C says:

        I had gathered your facetious moment…lol….

        but how dare someone say that about our kids …
        she was a stuck up cow….

        It would not have been so bad if when we picked him up, he didnt totally stink of last nights beer… while he was telling us how he really wasnt that drunk….

  2. Sorry that you had to experience that :( I know when I was younger many of the young girls would tend to shoplift…just sort of growing up and testing boundaries. Since she got caught I would think that she will be VERY aware of the consequences to those actions. As for me most of my life I lived with many regrets…but at some point I had to just accept that I did the things that I did and also sulk in the truth of the many things I never did. But all in all i love my life and each moment of it…..each part, each regret, lost dream and hopes of something more always pushed me to do more….in the end they were all blips of moments that led me to the here and now that allows me to fully embrace each and every opportunity that comes my way.

  3. Jim says:

    Wonderfully written BCG and thank you….

    Regret when almost ‘groan up’ would be the way I used to drive erratically….put my first car through the neighbours / neighbors wall and was lucky someone wasn’t killed!

  4. Urban Pagan says:

    its only a bit of petty theft- don’t worry. she was probably doing it to fund the drug habit she’s kept away from you.

    • Blue Collar Goddess says:

      Naw. I know about the drug habit. But thanks for reminding me to keep on top of that.

      • Urban Pagan says:

        good to hear it!

        what gear is she on?

        • Blue Collar Goddess says:

          Gear? Uh … just weed & tobacco. If that’s what you’re alluding to ;-)

        • Urban Pagan says:

          so drugs

          theft

          perhaps a spell in the big house is where she is headed. I hope not. But reading between the lines and that……….

        • Sorry BCG,

          Petty theft especially if there is not a financial factor usually means that there is some underlying issue that needs to be addressed. This is especially true since there are drug issues involved. Consequences should also include therapy with a therapist that knows how to work with teens. Do you feel like life is sometimes a soap opera or a sitcom? Hang in there!!

          take care,
          CC

        • Blue Collar Goddess says:

          Oddly enough, my daughters claim when we had our “pow wow” was that “if we were rich” she wouldn’t have to shoplift.

          That was one excuse.
          We’re not rich, but we’re not homeless either. We live modestly, a lower middle class existence as a result of divorce — but we have health insurance, food and vehicles — and we’re not in ‘debt’ so to speak.

          The underlying issues that need to be addressed will be uncovered during our counseling sessions, and I pray, PRAY (literally) that these issues will be resolved and new understanding developed.

          With regards to feeling like life is a soap opera or a sitcom, yeah! But I want to talk to the script writers and implement some serious changes! LOL!

        • LOL!!! She didn’t “need” to shoplift and you are right that is such an excuse!! Glad you are a savvy mother. I will also pray for you and your family. Keep us updated. Yes, your plot lines do need to be changed!!!

          ((((BCG))))

  5. Svasti says:

    Oh wow, that must have smarted! What a shock to the system.

    Did you ever do bad shit when you were a kid? I sure as hell did… and if I ever have kids, its gonna be interesting. I mean, I’ll know all their tricks but its not like you can stop them. Not really.

    GOod luck with the shift from ‘friend mum’ to ‘mum’. I’m sure she’ll understand in time… :)

    • Blue Collar Goddess says:

      Oddly enough, I didn’t do any THING when I was a kid. Nothing.
      I did all my shyte when I was a young adult — well away from the watchful eye of the parental units. They were clueless, and I managed to shuffle through somehow.

      Mommie dearest and I have a better relationship these days, but she was forever shuffling me off to boarding schools, relatives and foster homes.

      My childhood sucked. I lived in fear — hence not doing anything until I was “on my own.” In some ways, I’m grateful that my own kids have managed to give me hell. Paradox, to be sure!

  6. Ange says:

    I really don’t know what to say to this except that my wish is that you and Winona wannabe work things out. I have two daughters myself and am nowhere near that kind of thin going on just yet!

    • Blue Collar Goddess says:

      Just a bit of advice — find a good balance between “Mom” & “friend”.
      My biggest mistake was being the mother that I wanted to have, and presuming that my kids would always do the right thing, because hey, that’s what I did.

      For awhile. As I said, when I left home, I was … ah … horrible.

      In retrospect, I did “the right thing” while living at home b/c I was living in fear, not b/c it was “the right thing to do.” I have to accept the responsibility of being the best friend mommy, the cool mom — and allowing certain behaviors to flourish b/c I was ignorant to the extreme.

      My children are only now beginning to respect me — for a myriad of reasons, and sometimes I think it’s a day late and a dollar short but I’ll get what I can take from them in the “mom, you rock” department and not b/c I allowed them to stay up all night playing video games, smoking dope or worse.

      We’re all in therapy right now. All of us.
      It’s going to be a bumpy ride — but we will work it out. I have to remain positive — or I’ll sink into despair and further self loathing.

      Thank you for the kind wishes!

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