GO! Tend to Your Garden of Friends!

Posted on April 20th, 2009 by Clinically Clueless

Well flower people, I’ve recently been evaluating friendships especially with having ended a “friendship” that I’ve had for more than 30 years, my surgery, two hospitalizations and increasing my circle of blogging friends.

Yes, blogging friends. No, they are not my best buddies. Usually, we don’t pick up the phone to see how one another is doing, but we may email. In fact, most I don’t know what their voice sounds like and I’ve never met them.

However, I still call them my friends.

I feel I can be myself with them in emails and just yell sometimes. Blogging buddies are new type of friends that electronic has made possible via email and the Internet. No one lives in the same time zone or probably has the same accent or spells or pronounces things as I do…..

For example… …say the word, “aluminum.” Americans say it differently than most of the rest of the world.

Now, blogging relationship are just as viable as all the other type of friendships. Have you ever really thought about all the types of friendships we all have. Unless, you are still in elementary school the notion of a “very bestest friend ever ,” has changed over the years. If not please seek professional help!!

Some people have lots of friends and others have a few close friends. It is different for everyone. Also, even though everyone needs to be close with others for some it is a bit draining as it is for introverts and for others it is energizing as it is for extroverts. Please respect both including yourself…it is how your brain is wired, so accept it…you can’t change it. Now, if being close or with people is something really difficult for you, then, you should seek professional help.

We have friendships that are just for doing fun stuff, having dinner, going to a musicals, church groups, drinking buddies, sports friends, shopping friends, co-workers who are the only ones who really understand what work is like AND closer friends who you share some intimate thoughts, those you call when you need help, those you call when you really need help, your husband or wife or partner or significant other as the list can GO! on.

 Friendships change over time and some are not friendships anymore.  Some we need to let go of, others are worth working on to save and others are just treasures. A solid friendship is not based on time limits or constraints, but allows you to come and go.

“If you love somebody, let them GO!, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Many of us, myself included, have difficulty with friendships. We either hang on to something unhealthy ones too long, cling to what we have for fear of losing it and then try to control it, don’t take the effort to make friends, think we can’t or think we don’t need them. Fact: we are all born wired to need others and be in community. There are positive changes in the brain with have friendships.  It doesn’t mean that you have to be a social butterfly. But, don’t be the caterpillar all cocooned up.

I think I’ll go email a blog buddy now and hug my husband and play with the neighbor’s cat here in Southern California.  Pets are friends too.  Anyone have a black labrador, I can play with? 

Think about your friendships are they safe and healthy? Do you to need weed some out and let go of one even though they have been around forever? Do you need to make more friends? Are you satified with the friendships that grow in your garden? Do they need some watering or sunshine? All these questions do not answer…just think about them!

Do tell about your garden of friends? And what can you do to make it grow or to be healthier?

All comments welcomed, my friends!!


7 Responses to “GO! Tend to Your Garden of Friends!”

  1. I tend to know quite a large amount of people…but only allow a few into my inner circle. That’s just me…in relation to blogging though, it has offered me the opportunity to connect with so many people all around the world…that’s how I ended up here at flowers. For me a few good close people are all that I need…..

  2. Hilary says:

    Hi Clinically Clueless – first may I ask .. a) how are you .. I hope you’re recovering extremely well b) what surgery? ie what sort of work?

    re my friends .. I’ve always had really close long distant friends .. friends I’ve kept up with over the years and just slot back into place. However when I was in SA I loved the camaraderie of a large squash club .. which wasn’t cliquey .. but where one had a lot of mates – a number have remained great friends.

    I make friends quite easily and stick with a few .. I always chat to people .. open the door – but I wouldn’t have hundreds.

    However blogging is great & I’m certainly now developing new friends this way .. & via the friends I work with on the net.

    That’s it .. if I had a pet .. they’d be number one probably .. I had a husband & that failed! – but the dog remained .. sadly he’s now long gone!! Fortunately I’m an independent soul .. and just get on with things ..

    I must go and finish my garden of history .. a lovely description for the subject of heraldry .. my latest four part blog .. 4th today!

    Lovely sunny day here – England like this is wonderful .. enjoy yourselves…
    Hilary Melton-Butcher
    Positive Letters

    • Hi Hilary,

      What interview time…okay, I’m ready.

      a) I am doing okay. If I let myself admit that I am sick then, I am doing better because I rest more. I am slowly recovering.

      b) In October 2008, I had a mass removed from my right under arm that turned out to be benign. Also, in January/February 2009, I had a 24 day psychiatric hospitalization. I wrote about them both on this site.

      I can be quite chatty too when it comes to friends, but I remain with a few close true blue friends. What type of work do you do on the internet. I am sorry about the husband not working out and the loss of your dog. I love dogs!!

  3. Jim says:

    Hi CC,

    My friends, through my transient nature of living in loadsa different places are pretty well scattered around…

    ‘Strangers – friends who haven’t met yet’

    Right?

    Online activity really helps keep them together albeit a virtual existence.

    My definition of a friend – those who stand by you when the chips are down!

    (((Group hug)))

  4. Hi Jim,

    Online activity helps me so much to keep in contact with others especially those who do not live in the area. It is faster than snail mail.

    During these past six months, I have lived your definition of a friend…funny how things turned out. Those who I thought would be there weren’t and those that I didn’t expect including internet relationship were.

    ((((Group Hug))))
    CC

  5. Svasti says:

    Hey CC,

    Totally, my group of friends is spread far and wide – all over Australia, Thailand, USA, UK and more I think! But they’re the locations that come to mind.

    And yes, I count my blog friends too, as well as my ‘real life’ friends, and I really hope I get the chance to meet some of my blog friends (like you) some day.

    That said, those I trust with important information are few. Although ironically, my blog is very personal. Then, its also written anonymously (for the most part), although some of the people I’ve met through my blog now know who I am. Tricky stuff… not sure how I’ll feel if I do meet some of those blog friends, knowing that they know a heck of a lot more about me than some of the people in my ‘real life’!

    In terms of new friends, while I appear to be quite outgoing, I can be very shy. So, making new friends is either something quite instant, or it takes me a long time.

    I’ve had to let go of friendships in the past, and its always sad. But generally, people have to really do the wrong thing by me repeatedly, for that to happen.

    Right now, I’m in a situation where I’m not sure what’s happening with a friend, someone I’ve been particularly close to for about eight months. We’ve just had a relatively major disagreement, and I don’t know if we’re going to work it out or not… which isn’t exactly helpful to me right now, going through a pretty major episode of depression as I am.

    Hopefully, things will work out and we’ll find a common ground for understanding again soon.

    But hell yeah, I can always do with more friends! :)

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