Good Job! I really appreciate you! You are just great! Your work is fabulous! Thank you! There are times, when someone says something like this, but I’m left wondering, “what did they like?” It isn’t the “I have difficulty accepting compliments” or the ” I have to be humble.” (false humility is not humility) “Was it my hair? What I’m wearing is new? We went to lunch together? Was it that I didn’t ramble as much?”
Literally, I cannot figure it out. So, sometimes, I go over what interactions I’ve had with the person recently and I fill in the blank or just take it as a nice compliment. But, it is missing something. Kind of like having the chocolate marshmallow cupcake without the marshmallow cream inside or unscented flowers. (I’m not crazy? You experience this too, right?” No, not the cupcake or flowers! The “huh?” moments.)
….being specific about giving praise. Not just saying, “I appreciate that” or “Good job.” Most of the people that would be receiving this information would feel good, but not as good as they could. And, in these situations it would not lead to change because they couldn’t repeat what was appreciated or good. It was too vague.
It is better to say, “I appreciate that you handled your anger and calmed yourself.” (instead of hitting your brother!) Also, “You did a good job in cleaning the dishes.” (instead of having to do them again.). Note, it is best to focus on the undesired behavior a little as possible. Let the stuff in parenthesis go through your head, but don’t say it.
The point is to try to focus on the positive as much as possible. Now, this is especially important if you have children, a significant other or family. They will start to do what you praise them about more and it will increase their self-esteem.
Oh my, this is not what I intended for this post!! It was supposed to be a thank you to everyone, but I guess that is in there, sort of.
Okay, so what is my point?
I was wondering that too. I’ve been feeling really thankful with being a guest writer and with the support, prayers and good thoughts for my surgery. People have been sending me encouraging emails and giving me compliments.
Anyway, think about the compliments that you receive for a moment.
We all love, even if we have difficulty receiving compliments, words of encouragement and praise. But, I remember some more than others either because it is from a specific person or because it was specific. “I like how you write, this is relevant in my life, please write more.”
Now, nobody go and get angry or hurt. I really do appreciate it all. But, if you really admit it to yourself aren’t the more specific ones more impactful, memorable and doesn’t leave you going, “huh?” Remember it is okay to be general too.
Great! Now the emails and comments are going to be strange because everyone is going to be paranoid in how they say things. The most important thing to remember is to take time to be grateful, thankful and letting people know helps the garden to grow. Fill the garden with beautiful gratefulness and compliments.
Thank you again! Huh? Thank you for all your kind and enthusiastic words of support and encouragement and for reading the ramblings of a crazy woman!!!
Share a time when the way a compliment was stated made a difference. How are you in this area and could you make a change?
Comments welcomed on what you will do to fill the garden with scented flowers of gratefulness and compliments?