GO! Find Life's Gifts

Posted on September 18th, 2008 by Emma

With the summer over – if in fact it really began –  I am buy cialis 5mg realizing what an incredible few months it has been. Many high points and also a few low points.

One thing that happened to put life into perspective was the death of my close friend’s beloved son, Christer Jebsen.

Beautiful Christer

Beautiful Christer

He was killed in a tragic road accident. A young 20 year old life snuffed out instantly with no warnings and no good byes.

The following words have been taken and adapted from an email sent out by his mother days after his death.

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Christer lived his life to the fullest. He died too young but he really, really lived, every minute, every day of his life. Two weeks before he died, he told his mother that if he were to die now, he would have no regrets.

Living Life
Living Life

He had accomplished so much and was so grateful. They talked about how much more there was for him and he knew that. Yet he was full of appreciation of what he had experienced and accomplished in his life so far.

Christer died doing what he loved the most. Getting his adrenaline kick from riding his 1200 ccm Kawasaki. It was his choice. A choice his family did not agree with, but he was free to choose. And they respected that choice.

Christer was an amazing big brother, leaving behind 5 brothers and one sister. They are shattered and heart broken.

Through out the whole group of his friends there is a new awareness to treasure life and make better choices.

My belief is that no matter how bad, there are always gifts somewhere if we chose to look. We are already living in one of the gifts – being alive. Christer’s life was a precious gift to his family. His death has highlighted the gifts that can come from such heartbreaking tragedy. By looking at the gifts that he has left behind also gives a higher sense of honour to his death. The precious days that I spent with his family after the accident, wrapped in love and sharing treasured memories are a gift that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

I Did Not Die
I Did Not Die

I hope that what Christer has left behind, inspires and guides others in their choices.

We are all free to choose how we live our life. What gifts do we give and receive along the way? And what gifts are we ignoring?


52 Responses to “GO! Find Life's Gifts”

  1. Urban Pagan says:

    tragic tale it reminded me of the lyrics to a poignant moving song

    [Spoken:]
    Is she really going out with him?
    Well, there she is. Let’s ask her.
    Betty, is that Jimmy’s ring you’re wearing?
    Mm-hmm
    Gee, it must be great riding with him
    Is he picking you up after school today?
    Uh-uh
    By the way, where’d you meet him?

    I met him at the candy store
    He turned around and smiled at me
    You get the picture? (yes, we see)
    That’s when I fell for (the leader of the pack)

    My folks were always putting him down (down, down)
    They said he came from the wrong side of town
    (whatcha mean when ya say that he came from the wrong side of town?)
    They told me he was bad
    But I knew he was sad
    That’s why I fell for (the leader of the pack)

    One day my dad said, “Find someone new”
    I had to tell my Jimmy we’re through
    (whatcha mean when ya say that ya better go find somebody new?)
    He stood there and asked me why
    But all I could do was cry
    I’m sorry I hurt you (the leader of the pack)

    [Spoken:]
    He sort of smiled and kissed me goodbye
    The tears were beginning to show
    As he drove away on that rainy night
    I begged him to go slow
    But whether he heard, I’ll never know

    Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out!

    I felt so helpless, what could I do?
    Remembering all the things we’d been through
    In school they all stop and stare
    I can’t hide the tears, but I don’t care
    I’ll never forget him (the leader of the pack)

    The leader of the pack – now he’s gone
    The leader of the pack – now he’s gone
    The leader of the pack – now he’s gone
    The leader of the pack – now he’s gone
    [Fade]

    the thing is he sounded a bit of a thrillseeker and if he could have gone anyway surely its better to go doing something you love. I hope that any who copy his thrill seeking wear the correct headgear as in the photo he doesn’t which is rudimentary. A young life gone too soon.

    As for the question

    I’ve had some rubbish gifts- at 18 my auntie got me travel battleships. the joke was on here when I gave it to her kid for his 16th.

    • Emma says:

      Thanks Urban, like the words of the song.

      Christer loved the adrenalin rush and of course he did wear the correct head and safety gear. Unfortunately, the car who caused the accident did not look or see Christer on his bike and continued to do the U turn. There was nothing he could do to avoid it.

      This photo was taken at the front of a friend’s house in the drive way. And yes, this accident has definitely highlighted the constant need for safety on bikes.

    • I don’t mean to take away from the tragedy of Christer’s death, but in case you wondered about the song lyrics, it is Leader of the Pack by The Shangri-Las and was a number one hit in the US in 1964. Here is the YouTube link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FxSM88H-G4 Sometimes, the song makes me cry.

      ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post.."Pain versus Suffering"

  2. Urban Pagan says:

    poor lad.

    a lot of cars seem to forget about bikes. my uncles brother got hit by a car and killed years ago. they found him and the corpse of his co-passenger about 50 yards apart. they were both mangled. all because the car didn’t pay attention. terrible tale.

    • Fertile Fish says:

      That’s right UP.

      I have had 3 friends killed on motorbikes over the years, not their fault, car drivers not payng attention.

      I used to have a bike myself and, in a fit of nostalgia, 2 years ago I decided to get another one, a Harley Davidson V-Rod, beautiful machine, and I’m not a Harley fan really, but this piece of kit owes more to Italian styling than it’s American brand heritage.

      One week before I was due to order it, an old friend of mine who had been riding for over 20 years was out for a Sunday morning ride, when, without warning, a car being driven by an apparently blind driver pulled out in front of him as he motored along at the death defying speed of 30mph, knocking him off his bike.

      We (his mates) got the message Tony had been in a bike accident and was in hospital, so in true spirit we set off to visit and take the p1$$. Only when we got there did we find out the truth.

      I never did place the order for that bike. I still love them and riding a motorbike is one of the most exhilarating experiences I have ever had, and much as I look on with envy at other riders, my bike days are behind me.

      To Christer’s family, I am very sorry for your loss and my sympathies are with you.

      • Emma says:

        Thanks FF. What a sad story.

        I quite agree with you about the exhilaration of riding a bike. I had applied to get my bike license in Dubai, which was turned down on the fact that I am a woman.

        After spending time with Christer’s family and friends I am thankful it did not go through. Their pain is so raw I just couldn’t do it.

  3. Jim says:

    Thanks for posting this Emma and RIP Christer – someone who clearly has a great zest for life.

    What gifts do we give and receive along the way?

    Life itself is a gift, the lessons we learn from it, Smiling to strangers (without getting arrested) and the basics that cost nothing such as appreciating the seasons (like the monsoon rain here in India) , helping others and using Skype in countries that don’t ban it (ahem Dubai).

    And what gifts are we ignoring?

    Often the fact the most of us can walk, talk, breathe, listen, smell and access our instincts – the beat of our heart – how taken for granted is that? There’s always others worse and better off than ourselves.

  4. How tragic. My heart and thoughts go out to you, his family and friends.

    The question: Even though, I myself am not in a very good place, I was able to help someone this weekend which I haven’t done since I stopped working 2 years ago. My pastor asked if I would speak with a woman who was having a difficult time with sexual abuse flashbacks and self-destructive behavior. I believe that I have a gift of making people feel comfortable, expressing deep personal things and help to make them feel better. I guess that would be counseling. Well, I was feeling good that day. Afterward, my pastor, who I’ve know since 1982 and remember when he took a friend to her prom, said, “You amaze me. You did your thing of making her feel comfortable. And she felt better and not so alone.” I also shared my struggles with her. He also told me that I have carte blanche when I return to ministry in the support/healing area. Although my illness prevents me from doing many things, I still have opportunities to use my gifts and help others, at times. My job right now is to get better, so that I can utilize my gifts and talents fully.

    ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post.."Pain versus Suffering"

    • Emma says:

      It sounds like you have a wonderful and rare gift. It often helps if we share our situation with people as it shows our vulnerability which gives them permission to be vulnerable too, in order to heal and move forward.

      Your gift should be certainly used and developed. If anyone at Flowers can help you in any way with your recovery, please let us know.

  5. Sarah says:

    This is extremely tragic and it reminds me of my dad’s death a long time ago – he was on a bicycle and a bus ran over him..a gruesome accident..
    Still, life goes on remembering those who have left us..

    Sarahs last blog post..Death Race – One Prison No One Wants To Be In

  6. Urban Pagan says:

    my goodness a bus hitting a bike- he must have been pulped like a squashed tomato. my thoughts go out to you Sarah. I bet the bus driver was drunk as well was he? they normally are

    • Sarah says:

      Oh, yes, he was being squashed with every bits of the organs out on the road, which is why gruesome and you have no idea how I felt when I looked at the pictures after the accident in the police station. The accident took place in Singapore. As some of you might have known that I am Malaysian but at that time I was a PR in Singapore..

      I have no idea whether the bus driver was drunk or what but apparently the reason he had given was “I could not see him”

      I also have no clue about the punishment, but some years later, I heard that he got fined for a few thousands for killing a man who had been a father of mine.. talk about justice.. maybe it doesn’t exist in the year 1992..

      Sarahs last blog post..Death Race – One Prison No One Wants To Be In

      • Urban Pagan says:

        I personally think the driver should have been executed for the murder of your father. he is scum and should be treated as such.

  7. aussiecynic says:

    Hey emma

    sorry to hear about your friends loss…..
    And wish them all the best… its very tough and when they are so young…
    but as PAgan at least he was doing what he loved and really that is the way to go…

    My cousin lost her 17 year son Zac last year similar way but he and is best mate Aaron riding their motor bikes when a car hit Aaron and push Zac into a tree.. was no chance they would survive when you are doing 100km/h
    Like this kid they too where doing what they loved….

    It has to be one of the ways to go if you have leave us… either quick in your sleep or doing what you love most…

    • Emma says:

      Yes, one of Christer’s passions in life was riding his bike.

      I believe that we all have our time to go, and if your time is up then what better way to go than to be following your passion. However hard it is for those who remain behind.

  8. Taylor Blue says:

    RIP Christier…

    I had a discussion with my son the other day about death..and I was really silly that I didn’t think of it before. He said to me that he hoped our cat wouldn’t die for awhile. I said back to him that that is what life is about we could die today or we could die 75 years from now. And then I got scared inside. There is so many things that I let slip because I’ll be there still the next day. But who knows if I will be.

    I feel that there are people in your life that cross paths for a reason. And it’s up to us to really make our life something to be proud of. I’ve said this saying before but it’s so true…

    Work like you don’t need money,
    Love like you’ve never been hurt,
    And dance like no one’s watching.

    Taylor Blues last blog post..Memphis Scammed By Big Brother 10

  9. Urban Pagan says:

    that would make a good tattoo to add to your collection taylor

    by the way

    its ‘Christer’ not Christier

    I hoppe your tats are more accurate than your text!!

    • Taylor Blue says:

      Thanks Urban… I am having a bad spelling day.. if you don’t mind…yeah on the topic of tattoos wait until you see the post on my latest project you are going to eat it up! HA HA!

      • Jim says:

        He won’t mind TaylorBlue – he spelt HOPE wrong, there is HOPE afterall, not ‘hoppe’.

        What is life without hope, eh folks?

        • Taylor Blue says:

          I didn’t even notice that…I guess I need to wake up!!!

          Taylor Blues last blog post..Memphis Scammed By Big Brother 10

        • Urban Pagan says:

          ‘afterall’ is not one word Mr Author either.

          its two.

          perhaps you should pay a little bit more attention to basic grammatical errors if you want to get your book sorted? as ever here to help.

          oh and out of interest- are we allowed to have opinions here or have a laugh here anymore or is it just going to be a self perpetuating agrrement forum – which believe me will go QUIET rapidly.

        • Taylor Blue says:

          It was meant to make me laugh? I’m sorry.. I missed that memo… Seriously, I would miss you Urban if you left.

          Taylor Blues last blog post..Memphis Scammed By Big Brother 10

        • Jim says:

          agrrement – is that a word?

          Please Urban, have your say each related post but you seem to be intent on ripping into founders and new visitors to the site – why? A straight personal go at Taylor Blue and her tatoos in such a sensitive post to remember someone who has died, what relevance does that have to this post and then a go at the typos?

          Give it and take it – founders will leave otherwise – newbies simple won’t visit.

          Working with the team here at Flora to make this place the best we can – your spirit and support is appreciated but why the personal attacks?

          Let me know here and we can take it off chat and email it out between us if you like.

          Agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed?

        • Jim says:

          Simply not simple…

          LOL been a long day – 15 hours so far.

        • Taylor Blue says:

          So it’s not only me then today.. :)

        • No, I couldn’t sleep I woke up at 1 am and have been up since. It is now almost 9 am. The two nights before was 2 am. My head is feeling a bit foggy, but not enough to realize how tragic Christer’s accident was and think about my own mortality.

          ClinicallyCluelesss last blog post..Today’s session ~ Childhood, sexual abuse & torture

        • Emma says:

          Hmmmmm

          Yes it does get you thinking. It had a huge impact on me in so many ways.

          Not only the heart wrenching images of seeing a mother bury her first born son, but also the love and connection with people that came from it.

          Christer was a unique person and touched the lives of everyone whom he came into contact with and I know he will continue to touch people’s lives. He mother is working on ways to create a legacy to help other people in light of what happened to Christer which is so brave and giving when her grief is still so raw. And yet I am sure it helps to soothe the pain.

        • Taylor Blue says:

          I know I was in Grade 10 when a friend of mine dropped dead in class. It may have been a blessing in disguise for him because he had a rare tumor in his heart that they couldn’t have done anything about if they knew beforehand. But, I know it was so hard staying behind and living. I would go in class and see his empty desk…and it would hurt even more to know he was gone. In English class we would always talk about what Stephen King book we were reading that week. (He was reading Tommyknockers when he died…I won’t ever read that book because of that reason.)

          When someone dies it’s the people that are living that have to move on.

          Taylor Blues last blog post..Leighton Meester Is So Humbled By Her Fame

        • Emma says:

          I remember you mentioning it TB.

          Children have their own way of dealing with grief that can be inspiring to us adults. And we can also learn so much form them too.

          So beautifully put TB – we do have to move on and look for the gift in what is left behind.

        • Taylor Blue says:

          That was really the first time I came in contact with death and how it could effect me. I know that how other’s dealt with it around me helped me realize he was gone too….

  10. Urban Pagan says:

    bye bye

    have a great site kids

    personal attacks? hahaha

    absolute nonsense.

    see ya

    I trust ANYONE who launches a personal attack in future will be reprimanded similarly.

    not to worry I won’t be here to see it

    just as an aside to me its the off tangent posts that keep this place fun- otherwise you will have4 a site with

    I think point a

    I agree

    I disagree

    next post

    repeat to fade

    all the best with it all but I for one am gone. Au revoir.

  11. Jim says:

    Thanks Urban Pagan – although I guess you won’t read this.

    Back to the subject in hand:

    ‘I hope that what Christer has left behind, inspires and guides others in their choices.’

    He has certainly done that and thanks for your contributions to GSTF in helping shaping this place as to what is acceptable and what is not, a great learning process.

    • Emma says:

      I have just spoken to Leni, Christer’s mother. She is so strong and beautiful in her grief and wants to make sure that people have a responsibility for their choices and the impact that it has on others.

      When you think about this, it is not only for people who die or are killed tragically. It is also very much for the living. I think this is going to be my next post!

  12. Ange says:

    Oh Emma… thanks for sharing about Christer, may he rest in peace and may you and his family also find peace in your own time.

    It is comforting to share with others and have their support at a time like this, especially since it sounds like you were very close to Christer’s family!

    The gift of life is precious and the choices we make along the way determine how it pans out. I know that I am no where ready to go yet… there are way too many things I still need and want to do. I want to see my girls mature into young ladies for a start. They surprise me everyday and I am curious as to what they will do as adults… boyfriends, career, etc.

    I also want to have a book published and I guess the longer I put that off… the longer I will be around! It may sound silly as we never know what is around the corner, however, I like to believe that if I have a purpose, then I will be around to see it through.

    • Emma says:

      GO! Write that book as soon as you can and then all the others will follow. Why restrict yourself to just the one! Then you need to plan to be around for a while to enjoy the proceeds from it!

      Life is precious which makes the message of Flowers even more important. Life is too short not to be doing what you want to do.

      Now you have a book to write!

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