The Forgotten

Posted on April 26th, 2010 by Clinically Clueless

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CC here writting from Southern California.  In the United States, it is National Child Abuse Prevention Month and National Sexual Assault Awareness Month.  I didn’t want to bring everyone down by focusing my posts on these two extremely important issues.  However, I wanted to do a post that I rarely see and that is about male sexual assault and not just children, but men.  For women, it is very difficult to speak up about being sexually assaulted, but for men it is significantly harder.  When they do speak up, they are really not taken seriously or their emotional damage is hardly ever addressed.  They receive little support because most services are for men although this is changing somewhat.  

2234881_f260From the National Center for Victims of Crime, they define sexual assault by the following:  Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person’s body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person’s consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. Sexual assault in any form is often a devastating crime. Assailants can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure or tricks. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted.

Adult men seem to be the forgotten victims of sexual assault due to some of what I stated above.  I found little information regarding adult male sexual assault, but tons of information regarding women and children (boys and girls).  But, there are some resources.  One reason is the myth  instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the “macho image,” declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. , strength, and knowledge. A cultural bias maintains that males cannot be victims. Males are expected to be confident, knowledgeable, and aggressive. To be a victim means one is an inadequate male.

The same misconceptions apply to men and some to women as well.  Male victims of sexual abuse struggle with issues of homosexuality as most offenders are male. Their homophobia plus their confusion and fear encourage silence.  If a boy receives money for sex; he is less likely to be perceived as a victim; If a boy has a homosexual orientation, he is often blamed for the “seduction” of the older male, instead of being acknowledged as a legitimate victim of sexual abuse;  molestation by an older female is often viewed positively as a kind of “initiation rite” into manhood;  cultural pressure encourages participation while denying feelings; male victims of sexual abuse, more than female victims, may fear loss of freedom and independence if the sexual abuse should be made public;  fear of reprisals from the offender plays a role in under-reporting;  when boys are victimized, they tend to be blamed more for their abuse and are viewed as less in need of care and support; boys fear negative judgment by family and friends; and embarrassment and/or confusion prevent male victims of sexual abuse from disclosing.  This information is from Male Survivor website.

For more information and support go to Male Survivor, Butler County Rape Crisis Center or RAIIN.

Please share your experiences personal or someone you know.  All comments are welcome, but please be considerate of the fact that adult males are victims and maybe reading this post. Don’t further myths and cause shame and emotional harm by your comments.

2 Responses to “The Forgotten”

  1. Elton John - Drama Queen says:

    Ere!! Listen to this youz lot!!

    Dead proper right excited I am! Me an my David, all excited weze is!!

    Guess who came round last night!?!

    Well me an my David was sat down wiv us cheese on toast topped wiv ketchup an Lea & Perrin’s Wusterr Sauce right, tea time see, watchin us fave box set right, the one wiv that proper dead sexy Colin Firth as the smoulderin Mr Darcy an that, when the door bell rings…..

    “Go on, David” says I, “it’s your turn, it is.”

    “Oh……..! Elts, me tea……!” says he, an off he goes…

    Well I like got back into me tea an I can like ear im openin the door an someone talkin right an the little un is like not sayin nuffink. Nuffink!

    Then he just shouts out, “Elts! Elts! Its im it is! Its im an all!”

    Blimmin eck!

    So like I runs to the door see, an it was im too!

    Only that lovverly Nick Clegg lookin all Prime Ministerial an that, it was!!!

    An he says, “Wotcher Elts! Trust I can count on your vote in the Brit elections an all?”

    “You’d best come in gorgeous,” I says, wiv a crafty wink at my David. So in he comes he does!

    “Fancy wotchin telly wiv us Nick?” says I, “its that Mr Darcy wooin young Miss Bennett, I reckons he’d be better off wiv that Mr Wickam though, I does…..”

    “Ere, got any questions like wot youz might wants me to answer?” he asks, all polite like.

    “Yep, Nick,” says I, “David! Stop scratchin your middle leg, its rude in public! Nick, that Baldy Clever Economy Chancellor Type Bloke ov yours, wot looks after the banks an that, I knows someone who sells dead realistic air pieces see, just in case I evers might needs one meself right, only dons’t youz finks that he would be like more convincin wiv a proper natural set of curls, a bit like that Kevin Keegan’s circa mid 70’s an that?”

    “Elts,” says he, then he turns round and looks right past me he doeas see, an says, “under Gerronimo McFalsemile’s Dour Scottish Tax The English Party’s rule, he never once ad Keeganesque perm, which was admittedly very disconcertin fer the voters, but he was the Clever Economy Bloke fer them right see, which is why they got it all wrong! Wrong see!!!!”

    “An that Camembert Johannson, well he is gettin a bit thin on top, in fact he’s gotten a bit ov a chimp’s arse showin at the back ov is ead an all, that’s why he combs is air backwards over it, but see like he is still leadin in most ov them pinion polls an all he is see.”

    “David, darlin,” says I, “would youz mind movin your Kodak Instamatic out ov the room, only young Nick ere is talking to that an not us!”

    So my David goes an picks up the camera an walks out ov the room wiv it, an that young Nick he only goes an follows im, talkin to the camera all the time an that…….!

    Well I got on wiv eatin me tea, an there was all these bangin noises an groans comin out ov the parlour in the next room, an half an hour later, my David comes back in, all red faced an flustered lookin.

    Pparently Nick ad to leave all ov a sudden see, mutterin somethink bout the sanctity ov marriage but that this incident ov is unguarded behaviour woudsn’t not affect is Sixth Form Common Room Party’s stance on gay rights……

    Then my David went off to bed early like, wivvout even finishin is tea! So I et it instead, said he ad a eadache or sumfink an was right dead tired out an that…..

    I dons’t not know I doesn’t, young uns…….

    An I still dons’t not knows who to vote for yet……….!

    Kids eh?!?

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